Superhero

What is a broken heart? Loneliness, loss of familiarity, loss of self? A broken heart doesn't have to come from a boyfriend or girlfriend. It can be caused by friends and family as well. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am willing to give anyone the opportunity to break it. Do unto others as you want done unto you is a motto I have tried to live by my entire life but at what point do I understand that not everyone thinks the same. I want to love because I want to be loved. I care because I want to be cared about. Maybe it's selfish that I look to be rewarded by my actions. But I take great pride in knowing that the reward I seek is only love itself.
I have learned that emotional walls create barriers in our lives. We all need reassurance, we all need acceptance. We all crave the feeling to belong without judgement or ridicule, that's when we feel safe, that's when we feel loved. When we find the person that provides all these things, we want them around. They create a sense of completeness. They create a world that has no fear because you feel they will always be there to protect you.  They help you find strength that you never knew existed, they take your hand and walk with you through the fire.
But then its gone. You instantly cling to the past, begging them not to leave you in the middle of an incomplete journey. You feel as if you are falling with no one there to catch you. You call out but no one ever answers. It's over. As quickly as it appeared its gone. What you've grown to know as happiness is no more. You stumble as you try to rise, hoping they will be there but as you look up they never appear. You try to simulate and replace the feeling because you understand life goes on but your brain misses the euphoria called love.
For me, my broken heart comes from realizing my superheros aren't really super at all. They can and will hurt me. They can and will disappoint me. They can and will leave me alone...I realize they are who they are because of who I make them out to be but at the end of the day superheros are just regular people

Gone but not forgotten...

As we move into a new era, a new journey begins. Adding new faces that will replace the familiar. New fears of the unknown challenge us to push through an everlasting feeling of uncertainty. We must exercise our hearts to endure the pain of loss. Loss is guaranteed continuously through our paths as individuals so we must hurt to grow , we must feel the pains but not let it manifest itself into doubt. Doubting the ability to trust again, claiming the right to succeed. Taking the will to love again and robbing you of what you believe. People enter our lives in a flash, but as we all have a voyage of life, not everyone is meant to go the distance. Understand why it was your destiny, appreciate every second remembered, hold on to the memories, but don't be afraid to let go. I believe in the saying if you love something you have to know when to let it go. But as a baby bird takes flight for the first time, there is no malice and there is no anger. There is a feeling of accomplishment, that the journey has ended successfully.

Im Back....

I know it been a while since Ive written but I am back, Im stronger, and this time Im ready for anything. Send me suggestions to arivers503@gmail.com or on Facebook. See ya soon.....The new entries should be starting soon keep an eye out.

I Love You

I can tell how much you care by simply saying I love you. Giving you the infinite power over my mind, my actions, my ability to go on with or without you. Today I give you the power and strength to control all that I am. Today I am at your mercy. I trust in you to pick me up when I fall but even more so I trust in you not to push me down as I am blinded by all that is you. Listen with your heart and let it guide you. Feel me with your eyes and know what I am afraid to admit. Understand my actions and stop me before I self destruct. Although I love the way you appear in front of me your physical being is not what draws me close. Your ability to make me smile from mere thought of you. Your ability to make me cry when I feel your pain. Our inner most sacred fears we use to encourage each other. Your guard down welcoming me into a place that no one has ever known. These are the things I look for in you...my hero, my friend. Trust is solid in which we build a foundation. Honesty is the bond that holds us together. Communication is the key that unlocks the doors from which we hide our faults. Your pain is my sorrow, your joy is my everything. So today, I give you the power and the strength to control all that I am. Today I am at your mercy.......

I Love You

PS: If you think this is about you, good. If you don't think it's about you, then i haven't told you how I feel often enough.

Where Do We Go From Here (Part I)

Dear....

Its been such a long time since I've really had the chance to talk to you. Alot has changed in my life and now more then ever I need your support. I've weighed the pros and cons of discussing this with you because I know it will without question it will change the dynamics of our relationship. Traditionally we have shared everything and have no secrets and I value that tremendously but I've kept this from you for fear of rejection. I know I should talk to you directly but I can't stand to see the hurt that it is indeed gonna cause you. The most important thing I can say is I don't want you to feel obligated in any way. If you don't wanna call, then don't. If you want to end things, then end it. I only want you around if you want to be. See now is the time to determine who is real and who is not and because you are the closest I have to start with you. Your acceptance means the world to me but only if it's true. I know you've thought about things as I have and maybe it is time to go our separate ways. I am not trying to trap you into staying and I'm definitely not trying to pressure you into loving me if you don't. As I write this letter I can barely see whats on the page because my eyes are filled with tears and I can barely type because my hands are shaking. One way or another its time, I just need to know where we stand. I have a feeling it won't make me feel any better because nothing will change. I'm sorry if I disappoint you but I can't let you down anymore then I have myself. By the time you read this we will have talked and I'm not sure what I will have gained or lost. One thing I will say is if this is our last true correspondence know that I have only a few expectations. Be honest, be real, and be true whether we move forward together or apart. No matter which it is nothing will change our past, and I thank you for that.

Customer Service (Part 1) Can I Get Some Napkins

Okay service industry people not to offend anyone do what you gotta do to get your money....BUT. What the hell is your problem. First of all if you do not speak or understand english well, keep your ass away from that drive thru microphone. The last thing I want, is to come thru a FAST food joint and spend 15 mins and my weed high on trying to get you to understand I said no beans, not no beef. Now I come thru the drive thru and I'm not sure what I want yet, I mean damn you got a menu there for me to choose from right? Relax and quit breathing all hard.hell y'all changed the menu don't you want me to try one of the new items? Now, when I order something that traditionally calls for dipping sauce don't roll your damn eyes at me because I ask for some, I mean aren't you supposed to ask me anyway? And don't think I don't know the dip to strip ratio. If I order a 9 piece and you hand me one little thing of honey mustard sauce, something aint right. Now okay I just might change my mind at the window and ask to add an apple pie, a biscuit, or hell another burger for that matter. I am human, you do not have to act like I just ruined your whole day because you gotta ring something up. You are standing in front of a register, it aint that hard!!!! Last but not least, I am all about saving a tree, lord knows all my bills come electronically. And yes I too understand that they are not free because at home I use them responsibly. But if you don't give me a damn napkin!! Better yet give me enough to make sure your greasy ass fries are not messing up my kids clothes, give me enough for both meals, I super sized it now super size my damn napkins with the order. Why do I have to wait and tap at the window while you are turned around talking to the chick with the nappy ass braids about her problems with her baby daddy because I don't have 1 napkin for the 5 meals I just paid my money for. And then you turn around push the door open, roll your eyes, smack that damn gum, and say yeah? I want you to know at that point you're only about 5 seconds away from being snatched through that damn window. But in my calmest voice I just say can I get some napkins? and you hand me 2. Check yourselves fast food chains. You aint going broke because of the economy you going broke cause you have wack ass customer service.

I Quit

I wonder at times if it takes more to quit then to fight. I wish I had the ability to throw in the towel before it was sewn together, or give up on love before I ever attempted to find the right person. Wouldn't life be easier? Roll with the punches and bob and weave the obstacles? Life would be great right? To settle with mediocracy becasue success takes too much work? I fight, I struggle, I am persistant and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but that's what where supposed to do, live life by trial and error. If anything is worth having its also worth fighting for. Whether it be your family, your education,  your money whatever it is fight for it. If the hurdles are too high, someone will help you get over it. If you don't have the strength someone will move those mountains for you. If you fall someone will carry you through. I wish I had the ability to give up, but I guess I don't have the strength.