Dear Daddy

Dear daddy,

As a kid I never really got to know you personally but I feel your presence every time I look in the mirror. When I see the way my nose lines up with my eyes or I see my crooked smile and wonder if you smiled the same. I want you to know that deep down I love you although on the service I can not. I can not accept the lies as a child on my birthday, I can not accept the pain I endured wondering if you would ever come to my rescue. I got past the beatings and torture you put my mom through, I also got past the visits to see me when in actuality you just wanted to try to get with mom one more time. But as a young adult trying to make money at Christmas as I saw you drive past as I stood in the snow I knew that my smile, my nose, my eyes were all you would ever give. So now you're dying. Now I struggle with the decision to forgive or not to forgive. But again I think of the pain of watching my mom die, as you walked up and down our street collecting cans and bottles for your next drink. Never taking the step to give me a shoulder to lean on. Never giving me a chance to be your son and curl up under your arm for protection. I have but one conclusion, when you walked away your actions spoke loudly. When you denied my siblings, your words spoke louder. So I guess when you burn in hell your burning souls scream will be deafening.